Dina Pin, 6th period ; Final Draft

"I live to wanting to die"


I life as any ordinary smart teenage girl. I go to school, get straight A's, and hang out with my friends after school everyday and have a loving boyfriend. I seem perfectly fine on how I describe myself but no one knows what I go through inside my house. I express my feelings only to my true friends, but sometimes it feels like they don't care and only use me for my school work. My names is Sandy Johnson, I’m 14 years old and live in the urban part of Philadelphia.

I listen to my mom all the time and baby sat my siblings daily. I was never aloud out on the weekends. I was stuck in the house while my mom was out partying, getting drunk, and get into fist fights with other women. On the other hand my step-dad was never home either; he would also party and get drunk. They would come home very late at night and start getting loud and put all their anger out on me. I always wonder what I deserve to get this but never found the answer.

It was one in the morning and my mom came rushing in my room and grabbed me out of my bed. In a quick thought I knew she was drunk, but I didn't fight back because I was too scared to do anything. This wasn't the first time I experienced something like this, I gone through it many times. My mom started hitting me forcefully with her bear hands. It was so painful, uncomfortable and torturing. It had hurt so much I just couldn’t take the pressure no more so I decide to fight back. “Stop!” I yelled, but nothing stopped her, the expression of her face had an angrier look and she hit me harder. She was my mother so I couldn't do nothing, after she was done she told me to take care of my younger sister who wasn't even one years old yet. I obey her so she wouldn't get angrier at me.

I cried all night until the sun came out. School was about to start in an hour or so but I wanted to get out the house fast. Leaving out the door my mom stopped me and told me to stay home. I knew what she was planning to do and I couldn't let this happen again. So I went upstairs as if going to my room, but I jumped out the window from the upstairs of a two-story house to the backyard. I escaped safely into the alleyway to get to in front of the house. As soon as I got out, I ran to my cousin house that lives 4 blocks away from me.

I knocked on the door of my Cousin Amanda's house and my aunt opened the door, I asked for Amanda but my aunt told she was in the shower. My aunt gave me this confused look and asks why I was crying and I told her that my mom hit me. I left before she can ask me anything else. I went to go get my best friend like I always do every morning before I head off to school. As soon as she saw me she knew right away something was up. My eyes were so puffy and red, that instantly you can tell I was crying all night long.

We decided to cut school because I knew right there on I couldn't go to school like this. So we went somewhere to talk about what happen. I told her everything, and as I was she started to cry herself. We didn't know what to do, and the only thing that went through my mind was to tell someone about this. So my friend and I went to school and go talk to our school counselor. I knew it was wrong to tell on my mom, but I just had to do it. I can't go on any longer living unpeacfully. My counselor insist on reporting about the abuse, so the child services can come in and talk to me about if I want to move out and live with one of other relatives.

While in the principal office waiting for child services to come in, my friend and I looked outside into the school yard where the other kids were having recess. I looked at my friends, teasing each other and looking so happy and it felt as if I didn't exist to them, like I was a nobody. I felted so depressed like why did it have to happen to me I didn't do anything to deserve this treatment. A little while later child service came to discussed with me about my mom and other things going on. The meeting lasted awhile and as the time past it was time to go home. They suggested me to go home and pack my stuff and move in with my aunt. I did as what they told me and somewhat I knew I was doing the wrong thing but I had to for the sake of my life.

I went to my house with my cousins to get my stuff; my mom didn't say anything to me. She ignored me like I was nothing, it hurt but I couldn't do anything about it. I gathered up my stuff and left without a goodbye. One night my aunt told me to go home and watch my siblings while my mom goes to a wedding. I didn't want to go so instead of going there I went to the movies with my friends. After the movies, I got into deep trouble with my older cousin; he yelled at me and drove me back to my aunt's house. In my mind all I thought about is when was my life going to be over, so I can be done and stop dealing with life.

A couple of months pass by, eventually I moved back in with my family. Its not really the same as before since my mom doesn't care about me anymore. I still go through a difficult life everyday and still get upset my mom ignores me all the time. I go out everyday and come home late just to avoid her. Every morning when I wake up all I think about is not waking up. I hate dealing with life now, I lost all my true friends just beause of how selfish and ignorant I became. Just one day, I wish I knew I had a reason to actually why I have to live any longer...