Monday, November 19, 2007

Melinda Gibson 2nd Period

Damn...

When Cedez' and Day arrived at the game it was already half time. "Life's Menaces", which was their home squad, was balling against "Da Generals" tonight. Upon entry into the Rec. Center they converted from a quiet calm surrounding into one of loudness and intense chaos. Crowds were gathered around the court, bleachers were full, and the ball squads were warming up for the next half.
"Damn, I wish we had come on time" Day says to Cedez’ as they found their way into the crowd.
"Yeah me too, we should've called your mom and just bought Mir and Zay with us. They would've had fun” Cedez’ replied.
"Yeah but you know how she is "that environment is not suitable for my grandchildren; they're way too young” says Day, mimicking her mom.
"Yeah true. Let’s go find Meenz and Niyah, they called me earlier asking when we were coming."
"Aiight I'm going to call them to see where they at, it's too crowded."

[Phone]
Ring...Ring...
"Yeah where ya’ll at? This game nice as hell, everybody and they moms is here” says Meenz yelling into the phone, over the noise in the gym.
"Yeah we see, but yeah we just came in, where ya'll at?” Cedez’ asks barely able to hear.
"O aiight I'm gon come get you and tell Niyah to watch the spot"
"Aiight yo." Cedez’ replies before ending the call.
[Hangs up]

A few seconds later they could see Meenz little ass squeezing through the crowd and coming towards them.
"Damn man, these people ain’t got no manners, I must said excuse me like a thousand times and I ain’t finna’ say it no mo" Meenz’ says, finally having made her way through the crowd.
"If you don’t calm your lil’ country ass down" Day says laughing.
"Shut up, but yeah come on fo' I have to beat somebody ass tonight" Meenz replies smiling.
"Whatever, come on." Meenz holds Day's hand, as does Cedez’, not trying to get separated and leads them to their spot in the bleachers. When they got there they saw Niyah on her cell phone as usual.
"Bye!" Niyah says in a harsh tone, hanging up her Sidekick.
"Who was that?" Meenz asks her.
"Ty dumbass, tawkin’ bout some him and his squad bout to come up here"
"Why he always finna’ start?"
"I don't know but something finna happen by the end of the night"
"Let's just watch the game" Meenz’ says to the group. The second half had just began, Life's Menaces were up by 10. The game was over within the next 45 minutes. Home won by 24 points. Everyone was escorted outside by security; no one could stay in the building, even if they were waiting for someone. As the girls approached the doors to exit they spotted Ty and his boys waiting in the parking lot, as promised.
"Oh my God, this boy needs to stop" says Niyah as they continue on.
"Mom Dukes told you he was crazy" Meenz replied. Niyah and Meenz were twins, but Niyah was older by a couple minutes. They were known for they country accents, dress game, and their hands. When you seen one, you seen the other. Some say they were "locked at the hips". Although they came off as the types that you'd think were loud mouthed they weren't, they kept to themselves and their friends, but when they felt intimidated or disrespected, they were sure to set their competition back in their “places”, whether it be just by talking or if they had to "throw on the gloves".
"Let me go tawk to this boy for a minute see what they finna do" says Niyah.
"Aiight, we gon' wait up here for Buttah and them to come out" Meenz says back.
"Aiight, I be back then" Niyah said as she walked down the steps and toward Ty. Shortly after Buttah, Reese, Cam and the rest of the ball squad come out. Buttah was Meenz’s dude; he played point for the team. They’d been together for a while and didn’t plan on parting anytime soon. Far as everyone else was concerned they were married and no one dared trying to break them up. Reese was Cedez’ younger brother, but only by a year, and Cam was Day’s little brother, they played as Buttah’s right hand boys. They all were star players, not necessarily needing one another, but when all three were in the game they couldn’t be stopped. Recruiters came from all over watching the games. After everyone greeted each other they all headed down to where Niyah, Ty, and the rest were located in the lot. Just as they approached the group Ty let out a loud shout towards someone exiting the building. It was Redz. Redz and Ty were having some problems for about a year now after Redz tried to talk to Niyah, when he and Niyah had broken up for a while. Redz didn’t see exactly what he’d done wrong, besides he and Niyah had talked before and they both established that there were feelings still there. Redz wasn’t into fighting and Ty knew it, so he used that against him every chance he got. What Ty didn’t know was that Redz had “hands” and had previously been sent away for engaging in a fight and almost killing one of his mom’s previous boyfriends. Ty and Redz had been friends before but ever since that day their friendship had become fairly distant, but when things came down to it Ty would fight for Redz any day, and vice versa, he just hadn’t got over the situation yet. Just as everyone was getting in the cars, they heard shouting coming from the other side of the lot. Some dude from the other ball squad was starting with Redz. Without any hesitation Ty hopped out the car and ran towards them, Buttah, Cam, and Reese followed quickly behind him. By the time they arrived, the dude had pulled out a shank from the inside of his jacket. Ty ran up on him and snuck him from the back and the others followed up, by the time they had stopped there was blood everywhere and he laid coughing blood and groaning in the middle of the street. Ty looked around for Redz and spotted him leaning on his car close by. He instantly ran over to check on him and found that he had been stabbed in his right side and was covered with blood.
“Yo help me!!” Ty screamed to the others. They rushed over and put Redz in the back seat of his car. Cam sat in the back trying to stop the blood as Ty jumped in the driver’s seat and started the car. Reese rushed back to Ty’s car where the twins, Day, and Cedez’ had been waiting, observing what had just taken place and had millions of questions. Ignoring them Reese started the car and waited for Ty to pull off so he could trail them. Ty wasted no time getting Redz to the hospital and wouldn’t leave his side. The hospital guards had to intervene in order for Ty to give in and wait in the waiting room. During the wait Ty couldn’t stay still and paced continuously until the doctor who attended to Redz came back out to speak with them. Ty could tell by the doctor’s expression there was bad news ahead.
“I’m sorry” was all the doctor said. Ty stared at him cluelessly.
“Excuse me, what are you trying to say?” Niyah asked sadly, asking everyone’s question at once.
“Tramaine Hall passed ten minutes ago in surgery.” He replied sympathetically. Ty collapsed in a chair facing toward the window and hung his head toward the shiny hospital floor. He looked around the floor aimlessly as though searching for unspoken answers. He pushed away all attempts of comforting and remained in that semi-unconscious state for the next couple days. The funeral arrangements had been made for that next weekend. Since that day Ty hadn’t spoken too much and often stayed to himself, staring out of the window most of the days. The day of the funeral he tried his best to hold in his tears but by the time the burial was over the pain had become overwhelming and the tears just came flowing out uncontrollably. He remained at the burial site until the graveyard closing and wept over the grave. Before leaving he made a promise.
“I’m going to get him back for this lil’ brotha, I’m going to get him back….”

2 comments:

Leo Mullen said...

EXPOSITION
1. WHEN/WHERE DOES THIS STORY TAKE PLACE?
At a footbal game
2. WHAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE? The girls were out with eachother about to go to the game.

CONFLICT AND CLIMAX
1. WHAT PROBLEMS DOES THE CENTRAL CHARACTER FACE? He was upset that one of his friends were trying to talk to his girlfriend when they weren't together.
2. WHEN DO YOU LEARN HOW THE PROBLEM IS WORKED OUT? When he saw someone coming over to his ex- friend and he ran over to fight t he person.

DENOUEMENT
1. HOW DOES THE STORY END? Ty is upset that his friend has gotten killed and is raging for revenge.
2. SUGGEST AN EXTRA SCENE TO STRENGTHEN THE PLOT. Add a scene aboout REdz and the boy from the other team arguing.

CHARACTERIZATION
1. WHO ARE THE CHARACTERS INVOLVED IN THE STORY? Ty, Redz, Niyah,HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THEIR ROLES? Ty was a street boy that rides hard for his friends. Redz is not a fighter but he will if he has to. Niyah is Ty's girlfriend.
2. DIRECT CHARACTERIZATION: WHAT DOES THE AUTHOR TELL US "DIRECTLY" ABOUT THE PROTAGONIST (MAIN CHARACTER) FROM HIS OR HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE AND PERSONALITY? That he don't take no mess from nobody.
3. INDIRECT CHARACTERIZATION: WHAT DO WE LEARN "INDIRECTLY" ABOUT THE PROTAGONIST FROM WHAT HE OR SHE SAYS (DOES)? He may be alittle insecure. WHAT DO WE LEARN ABOUT THE PROTAGONIST FROM WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT HIM OR HER? He look out for others.
4. SUGGEST AN ADDED DETAIL TO STRENGTHEN THE DESCRIPTION OF ONE MAJOR OR MINOR CHARACTER. Talk less about the girls and more about Ty and what happened with Redz.

Kiara Cofer

Leo Mullen said...

Anabel

EXPOSITION

1. Mostly a football game and then a hospital.

2. “Redz tried to talk to Niyah, when he and Niyah had broken up for a while.”

“Ty and Redz had been friends before.”

CONFLICT AND CLIMAX

1. Well, the whole big fight and problem with the other ball squad.

2. It isn’t exactly worked out. But I guess when we see how upset we see Ty over what happened to Redz we can say their problem was worked out and they weren’t really mad at each other.

DENOUEMENT

1. With the death of Redz and Ty’s vow to get back the killers.
2. Um, I actually think it was a lot of scenes going on and they went quickly. I got a little confused.

CHARACTERIZATION

1. Ty, Redz, and Niyah were the main characters dealt with. Ty seemed like someone tough out the outside and really actually soft on the inside. Redz wasn’t a fighter but was ready to do what was necessary. Niyah is Ty’s girlfriend.

2. Nothing too directly.

3. That Ty is a really good guy and despite his problems with Redz he would still fight for him. He isn’t as mean as he appears. Others say Ty is crazy.

4. Um, the fight scene and action was a bit confusing. My suggestion would be to clean that up a bit.