Friday, November 16, 2007

Sharnise Dozier 6th period "The new baby"

Sharnise Dozier
November 15, 07
Creative Writing


The New Baby

In my room reading my book ”Down & Dirty,” Kayla’s on the phone and Mercedes’ is in her room. Mom calls up, “Brook, Kayla, Mercedes, come down, I need to talk to yall.” I say, “she don’t want nothing.” Kayla says, “No come on she said it’s important!” I get up, take off my school uniform and slip on my jammys, run down steps and flop on the couch. “Mom what? I’m trying to read my book,” I said. She said, “Wait till Mercedes get down here it’s important!” Mercedes running down the steps singing, “There’s never a right time to say goodbye.” “Woo mom Chris Brown is so sexy.” “Sit down Mercedes I have to tell you guys something,” mom said. Everyone became quiet. I yelled, “Mom what?” Mom says, “Well I just wanted to tell you that you will be having a sister or brother on the way.” I say “Wow and who’s pregnant?” Mom says “Me!” Mercedes yell, “No I’m six years old I want to be the youngest mom you cant do that.” She runs in her room and slams her door. Mom yells, “Natroy, go talk to your daughter she’s going crazy.” I said, “No this is cool just don’t put the baby on me ill be ok.” Mom says, “So what do you have to say Kayla?” She says, “well!” then zooms off into my room, slams the door, jumps on the bed, puts her head down and starts to cry. Me the only one still downstairs, Mom standing there with a stale look on her face just sits down and thinks. I asked, “Are you ok?” She said, “yeah!! Ill is fine.” I go upstairs to check on Mercedes and Kayla. First I go to Mercedes room to see what’s wrong but dads in there, so I go to my room to check on Kayla. Kayla was lying on my blanket and I usually don’t let anyone lay on it but since she was upset I just left it alone. I said, “What wrong?” She lifted her head up and said, “If she has a baby she won’t have room for me and she will put me out!” “What?” I yelled, “Why in the world would you think that?” “Well she will need room for the baby,” She said. “She won’t put you out she will just out the baby in her room,” I said. “Your only ten why would she put you out,” I said. “Look Kayla mom loves you and Mercedes if she has a baby or not,” I said. After that I went out for air. For the next couple of months Mercedes and Kayla become ok with the fact that mom is having a baby.


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“The baby’s home,” I yelled. Kayla ran down the steps and said, “Awwwww! Let me see her?” Mercedes runs and says, “No that my baby sister I want to see her.” I walked over to the baby and picked her up. “Awe she looks just like you and Mercedes,” I said. Mercedes says, “Can I see her?” I passed her on over. After the baby came everybody was happy Mercedes actually wont let no one hold her and Kayla comes home from school and the first thing she does is pick her up knowing Mercedes will snap. I on the other hand watch the baby every time mom goes out. We all love the new baby, “Mercala Brook Condell,” and all are one happy family.

4 comments:

Leo Mullen said...

1. The story takes place in Brook’s house.
2. I kind of knew what was about to happen when the mom brings them down stairs and has some news to her daughters.
3. The problem that the character faces is the thought of having a new sister in the family and feeling left out.
4. I learn when the problem is worked out when Brook’s sister comes and talk to her and calms her down.
5. The story ends with a flash-forward and how the family is adjusting to the new baby.
6. The characters in the story are Brooke [the sister who’s afraid of having a new sister.] Kayla and Mercedes and the mom.
7. The main character seems kind of spoiled because when she found out she was getting a new sister she got upset.
8. We learn that she is spoiled and that she was only upset of the thought of having a new sister.
9. She could of talked more about Kayla and Mercedes.


[T.I. WiFf3e] ___(NASHAI)

Leo Mullen said...

Kevin Forge
11-27-07

The story takes place at Brooks house.

The story ends by the mom bringing home the baby and every body just adores her.

The scene that i would strengthen the plot is what happen during the time the mom was in labor and how did the kids take care of the mom.

Brooke: The oldest and also the main character. Didnt care if the baby came or not.
Kayla: The second oldest. Thinks she would be left out if the mom has a baby.
Mercades:The youngest. She cries because she would not be the youngest anymore.

The charater tells the reader directly how is every body feeling about the new baby.

Ihad to infer how it was for the kids when their mom belly got big. Like did they help her; or they didnt because they didnt wont the baby or something


I would add more description about the baby and how she acted when she didnt get what she wanted.

Leo Mullen said...

Kevin Forge

1. I left out question number one of the climax and conflict.

The problem that the main character faces is that when the new baby comes home, she would feel as though she would be left out.

Leo Mullen said...

1.THE STRY TAKES PLACE IN THE HOUSE.
2.WHAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE IS NOT REALLY CLEAR.
3.THE POBLEM THE CHARACTER FACES IS THE FACT OF HER MOTHER HAVING A BABY,TAKING CARE OF THE BABY WHEN HER MOTHER GOES OUT AND KEEPING EVERYONE TOGETHER FROM GETTING MAD.
4.U LEARN HOW THE PROBLEM IS FACED AT THE END OF THE STORY.
5.THE STORY ENDS WITH EVERYONE HAPPY AND ACCEPTING THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE A BABY SISTER.
6.A SCENE TO STRENGTHEN THE PLOT IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS BEFORE LIKE WERE THEY EVER TALKING ABOUT IF THEIR MOTHER HAS ANOTHER BABY.
7.THE CHARACTERS INVOVLED IN THE STORY ARE BROOK THE BIG SISTER,KAYLA THE ONE WHO WILL LEFT OUT,MERCADES THE YOUNGEST THAT WANTS TO STAY THE YOUNGEST.
8.THE WRITER TELLS US DIRECTLY THAT SHE HAS MANNERS,RESPECTFUL AND EASYGOING.
9.NOT REVEALED
10.A DETAIL THAT WILL STRENGHTEN THE PLOT WOULD BE TO TALK MORE ABOUT HER SISTERS AND PARENTS.
BRIANA POTEAT
CHRIS BROWN ONE AND ONLY!
9.