One after noon on a hot sunning day in atl there was these 6 kids named king, sholeah, tiheed, meosha, Bruce, and Brittany. They thought that they would go outside to enjoy the day. So while they were outside Bruce said “ don’t ya’ll want to play hiding go seek.”
Then they all said “ yeah sholeah your it” sholeah said “that’s not fear how I always gotta be it when we play why can’t king be it.” So then everyone was like ok cry baby you don’t have to be it tiheed is going to be it. While they were playing everything was going fine everybody was soooo excited and having a wonderful time.
The next thing you know Brittany comes running down the street saying that some crazy man is chasing her. So we all are looking but we still don’t see anybody chasing her, nobody is even in sight. Then we ask her “why are you playing you should not play like that because that kind of thing is not the kind of thing that you play about”
After she stop crying and listening to what we were saying she say “I’m not lying that man was really chasing me, at first he was in his car then he got out an started following me, I started walking faster and then started running an then he started running after me an that’s when I came here to tell ya’ll.”
Then the next thing you no a big giant greenish van came around the corner. She started screaming and crying again saying there he is and now he got more men with him he gone get us.
All we no is when she said that we thought she was going crazy until they got out that car and started to run after us. King was like ya’ll stay there if ya’ll want but I’m running. King, sholeah, and Bruce were the first peoples to start running. They are still running they here meosha, tiheed, and Brittany scaring help help help ya’ll they got us they got us, but run cause they coming for go get help. As they are still running not knowing where they to. We turn the corner an the men a right there. We try to run away but they caught us. The men throw us in the back of the truck with the others. All we saying what’s going happen to us, what do they want with us.
Then a couple of hours go past and Bruce and Brittany mom calls
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2 comments:
Sheron Gardner
Creative Writing
11-29-2007
EXPOSITION
1. WHEN/WHERE DOES THIS STORY TAKE PLACE?
The story took place in ATL does not say when story took place
2. WHAT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE?
Skip
CONFLICT AND CLIMAX
1. WHAT PROBLEMS DOES THE CENTRAL CHARACTER FACE? The main problem in the story was that they got kidnapped.
2. WHEN DO YOU LEARN HOW THE PROBLEM IS WORKED OUT? No able to answer this question
DENOUEMENT
1. HOW DOES THE STORY END?
No able to answer this question
2. SUGGEST AN EXTRA SCENE TO STRENGTHEN THE PLOT.
No the story was good.
CHARACTERIZATION
1. WHO ARE THE CHARACTERS INVOLVED IN THE STORY? HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THEIR ROLES?
The main characters are king, sholeah, tiheed, meosha, Bruce, and Brittany
2. DIRECT CHARACTERIZATION: WHAT DOES THE AUTHOR TELL US "DIRECTLY" ABOUT THE PROTAGONIST (MAIN CHARACTER) FROM HIS OR HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE AND PERSONALITY?
3. INDIRECT CHARACTERIZATION: WHAT DO WE LEARN "INDIRECTLY" ABOUT THE PROTAGONIST FROM WHAT HE OR SHE SAYS (DOES)? WHAT DO WE LEARN ABOUT THE PROTAGONIST FROM WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT HIM OR HER?
4. SUGGEST AN ADDED DETAIL TO STRENGTHEN THE DESCRIPTION OF ONE MAJOR OR MINOR CHARACTER.
No
Maribel Moreno
12/2/07
Exposition:
#1. Outside in the streets is where the story takes place.
Denouement:
#1. The story ends without a proper ending. Or I just miss it!
#2. What happens after the kids mom calls?, I think you should develop the ending a little more, to make the plot stronger.
Characterization:
#1. The characters in this story are six kids name: King, Sholeah, Tiheed, Meosha, Bruce, and Brittany.
And they are all friend playing and having a fun time.
#2. Nothing really! Just that they were outside playing.
#3. Nothing really because you need to add more detail about the kids/characters.
#4. I think you need to develop your characters more, or maybe just stay with only four character so that you can develop them more, and make your story better.
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