Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Dan Chiev 6th Period Final Draft

She is the only one I would wake up for every morning. She is the only one that I would do anything for. But then why Would she leave me? Didn’t I do everything for her? What did I do wrong? The way she did it and what she said hurts me the most.

In the morning we planned on hanging out together. I went over to her house being happy to see her. She opened the door and had a blank face on her. I immediately felt a feeling of worry and uncertainty between her and myself by just the face she made. “Hey, what’s wrong honey?” I asked her

“Nothing Dan, come in.” She said in a lifeless voice. I went inside and I saw her best friend. I knew this was a bad sign because usually when we’re together, we were alone. I kind of had a feeling that I would happen.

She told us that we were going out to eat at Chinatown. She went up to her room with her friend getting ready and dressing up. She told me to wait in her living room. While I was waiting very patiently, I thought about why she had such a blank face. All these thoughts came racing through my mind. Would she break up with me? I was very worried about that.

I remember the ride on the bus and how awkward it was. She didn’t talk to me a bit. I just looked at the ground wondering what was wrong. We finally arrived at our destination. We went into the restaurant and it was a cool, relaxing place. We went and sat at a table. She sat next to me and her friend across from her. It was so quiet between us that u could even hear a pin drop. I tried to break the silence by telling a joke.” Hey, what’s the deal with Asian people and math? What, is it there language?”

“What?” She said in an aggravated voice.

“Nothing, nothing,” So after we ate, we went on a quiet bus ride back home. We went to the park, trying to have some fun. We sat on the swings together and we finally talked to each other. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“ What do you mean?”

“ Your just so quiet today. Did I do something?”

“No Dan, I’ve just been thinking about things.”

“ Thinking about what?”

“Just things. But you don’t have to worry about anything.”

“Worry? I wasn’t worried about anything.” After that I walked her home. We were holding hands and talking about things we usually talk about. I walked her home to her doorstep, gave her a kiss on her cheek, and asked her a question. “Can I call you tonight?”

“ Yeah, of course Dan.” When I got home, I directly went to bed thinking about her. I didn’t her to break up with me so I thought about not calling her at all. I did end up calling her wanting to know why she was so quiet. “Hey, how are you doing?”

“Fine. You?”

“Good.”

“Dan, I have to talk to you.”

“About what?”

“Dan, we have to break up.”

“What? I thought everything was great between us.”

“Dan it is, but its just that there’s guy who I have been talking a lot to recently and I think I like him.”

“But who is he?”

“ It doesn’t matter who he is?”

“But we still can be together, even if you do like him.”

“ No we cant Dan, I’m sorry.” She then hanged up on me. I was heartbroken. After that happened, I couldn’t sleep or eat for weeks. It was even hard for me to wake up every morning knowing that she didn’t want me anymore.

Still to this day, it breaks my heart every time I think about it. We both still talk a lot and hang out. I still think that me and her will get back together but she always tell me that we won’t in a jokingly way. I just still love her.

1 comment:

Leo Mullen said...

4= Strongly
3= Mostly
2= Somewhat
1= Rarely

The opening of your narrative grabs the reader’s attention, draws him or her into the story, and does so in an inventive way. 2

The details that you use throughout your narrative are specific, vivid, and appeal to the senses. 3

The ending effectively wraps up your narrative and has elements of one of the following: surprise, humor, sadness, wonder, anger, frustration, horror, etc. 2

The narrative is representative of the culmination of skills you learned with respect to writing narrative. 2



Conventions
+5= No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors;
0= Five errors
-5= Ten or more errors

-5

72.5%