Shana Earley October 22, 2007
Creative Writing period 2
Am I A Disappointment?
Ring- Ring. I stare at my mother as I call my father at work to tell how my good news, which is his worst nightmare. He finally answers “Hello”, I reply “Hey dad me and mom just left Franklin Mills. I just enrolled in classes at Empire beauty school”. He sits in silence for a few seconds before opening his mouth to kill my high spirit. “Well why does it cost so much, and where do you plan to get the money to pay for this because I can’t get any more loans in my name because…” I listen to him and I don’t say anything. I just hung up the phone as a tear rolled cheek.
My father’s dream is to see his kids graduate from college. Although he didn’t stay in college long, he has higher hopes and expectations for his children. I love my father dearly but I can not fulfill his dream. I plan to attend cosmetology school after I graduate from high school.
Going to college has never been a desire of mine. Not that college is a bad thing, but I just feel that it isn’t for everyone. The first person that I told about cosmetology school was my grandmother. She supports me so much and she is just proud that I am furthering my education in some way. When my dad came to get me from my grandmother’s house she said “Kenny my grand baby wants to practice the art of cosmetology”. My dad looked at her and said “No Shana is going to college to be a lawyer or a doctor. Cosmetology is not art it is a hobby and no one is successful in that.” I said nothing and I didn’t argue with him. I never thought that he would react like that. My dreams were crushed. That was the last time I ever brought it up to him until now. Now that it is almost time for me to persue my dreams I have to talk to him. I need his support.
I need to do what is best for me. I know that my father only wants the best for me but I need to do what makes me happy. Life is too short to try and satisfy everyone. Since I can’t make him happy, and do what it is that he wants me to do he treats me different. We are not as close as we use to be. At this point in my life when I need him the most he refuses to support me. His reaction makes me shelter myself from him, because he makes me feel like I a disappointment.
Success to me does not necessarily mean going to college, but I do applaud anyone who decides to go to college as long that is what you want o do. Never do something for the welfare of someone else if in the end it only makes you unhappy. As for me I will follow my dreams and with much ambition I will succeed.
7 comments:
Your story was very interesting. Good job!!!!
christina j. your story was very nice i enjoyed the opening. i liked the whole theme i feel as though it related to me because i am going through somthing simialiar. i also liked the ending it was a real tear jerker. it could have been more detail i would have liked to see in the story like what was your reason for wanting to go to empire beauty shool but overall good job
Nelson Hollerway
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
I like the opening sentence because it had me wondering what his worst nightmare was and overall what you were about to tell him.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.
She used vivid phrases to describe when she had to call her dad and how her dad reacted when her grandmother told him that she was going to cosmetology school. Ex: My dad looked at her and said “No Shana is going to college to be a lawyer or a doctor. Cosmetology is not art it is a hobby and no one is successful in that.” I said nothing and I didn’t argue with him. I never thought that he would react like that. My dreams were crushed.
Ex2: He sits in silence for a few seconds before opening his mouth to kill my high spirit.
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Yes she used simple and direct verbs for example a verb like crushed.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
It is kind of inventive but you just tell about what happened and I think that it is hard to be inventive ending for your narrative
5. What was your favorite part?
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
Chardae
Your not a disappointment, I know your going to be the best hair stylist ever. I know this is something that you really want n I wish you the best MY SHANA.
TANYA: HEY I LIKED UR ESSAY A LOT. I DID NT KNOW U HAD A TALENT IN STYING HAIR LOL IM KNOW U THE BEST AT IT..
NICE ESSAY=]
1.The opening of her essay gabbed my attention because I wanted to see why she thought she was such an disappointment.
2. Dies the author use vivid phrases. Yes, when she called her and told her father the good news, but was his nightmare
also when he told her she wanted her to go to school to be a lawyer or doctor. I can imagine what was going threw her head.
3.the essay has a verb like crushed
4.It was inventive but I like to see more, but the overall ending made since to me
5.what was your favorite part when her father was telling her what he wanted I thought that was kind of selfish of him.
6.the author cam improve on a little more detailed
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