Moving
“Why?” I asked my mother. “I don’t want to go or say good-bye!”
We were living in State College at the time, and my mom just told me that we were leaving. I did not want to leave because there was so much I was going to miss, such as the play my day camp was planning. Also, I was going to miss my friends.
My brother, sister, and I started to tell our friends that we were about to move. They were so upset, and we were too.
Even though we knew we were moving, we still practiced for the play because we did not know exactly when we were going to move. The last couple of weeks we spent in State College were so much fun, and that made it harder to leave.
Soon the day was here. Moving day was here. We said our good-byes and told them that I was going to keep in contact. We packed all our stuff and squeezed into the front. We were not big, so that allowed five people to fit in the front of the moving truck.
We arrived in Philadelphia. We stayed with my aunt. Nothing really changed, but at the same time, it felt as though it did.
A few days after the move, we got letters from old friends. They sent pictures of the play, and they looked like they were having a blast. Sadly, to say this was the last contact with any of them.
I still think about my old friends, what they look now, how they act, and how it would have been if we could have stayed in State College.
I miss how it was, but I am glad I moved back to Philly, where I made new friends.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
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Peer Review Questions:
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
She started the story with her mother asking the question “why”?
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.
“Sadly, to say this was the last contact with any of them”.
That’s all I could find.
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Just remember, when you are writing be more specific
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
Make it more of your own. Do something you never have heard because this can be hard.
5. What was your favorite part?
My favorite part was moving day.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
It can be improved with more lively words and more excitement.
Diamond Rosario
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