Halloween Night
On Halloween night, the air felt cold and stiff. It was almost seven o’clock pm.andI was putting on my costume. I was a scarecrow dressed in denim jeans, black sneakers and a shirt I really can’t describe. Also I had on makeup which made me really look like a scarecrow. I was at my cousins house that Halloween and I was ready to go trick-or-treating with them. I met up with my cousin in the living room and grabbed my candy bag.We all waited for my older cousin(who was thirty-three then)to go with us.My older cousin finally came downstairs and led me,my younger cousin and the kids that stayed there out of the door.
When we arrived outside, I noticed that the trees were all bare and the ground was covered in orange, yellow and brown leaves. We all ran to a big pile of leaves and jumped on them. The leaves crunched loudly as our shoes crushed them. After we were done, we walked up the block to search for some houses.We stopped at a house that was decorated in jack-o-lanterns, bright lights, and fake cobwebs. I was the first one who went up the small flight of stairs onto a platform. Sitting on a bench was a person in the scariest costume I ever saw. I really don’t remember what it looked like, but I know he or she had on a mask and a gray wig with hair hanging down on the face. The costume was an old, dirty, and long white gown. Laying next to the person was a bowl of candy. I walked toward the bench cautiously and held out my bag. The person in the costume picked up a handful of candy and dropped the pieces into my bag. The person made a growling noise and I backed up slowly .I waited at the bottom of the stairs for everyone else, while they were following the same routine.
After going to a few houses we met up with some of the neighbors. We joined them at a house that had a small candy bowl with a fake hand in it. My cousin bent down to put her hand in the bowl and the hand grabbed her. She jumped in fear and yanked her hand out of the bowl. The second time she tried, she got her hand out fast enough to put the candy in her bag. Everyone else got their candy and went to find another house.
Soon after we went to as many houses as we could, we said goodbye to the neighbors and returned back to the house. Everyone dumped out their candy and examined it. There were all types of candy from tart to chocolate. My older cousin checked all of our candy and we started to eat it. Nobody wanted to eat dinner, one, because it was too late, and two, because we all had a stomachache from eating all of the candy. I had the most candy in my bag so I wasn’t worried about how much I ate. At one thirty we all got ready for bed. Before we all fell asleep, everyone talked about what had happened that night. When we finally got in our beds, I thought to myself “this is a memory that would stay with me forever”.
By:Diamond Rosario
On Halloween night, the air felt cold and stiff. It was almost seven o’clock pm.andI was putting on my costume. I was a scarecrow dressed in denim jeans, black sneakers and a shirt I really can’t describe. Also I had on makeup which made me really look like a scarecrow. I was at my cousins house that Halloween and I was ready to go trick-or-treating with them. I met up with my cousin in the living room and grabbed my candy bag.We all waited for my older cousin(who was thirty-three then)to go with us.My older cousin finally came downstairs and led me,my younger cousin and the kids that stayed there out of the door.
When we arrived outside, I noticed that the trees were all bare and the ground was covered in orange, yellow and brown leaves. We all ran to a big pile of leaves and jumped on them. The leaves crunched loudly as our shoes crushed them. After we were done, we walked up the block to search for some houses.We stopped at a house that was decorated in jack-o-lanterns, bright lights, and fake cobwebs. I was the first one who went up the small flight of stairs onto a platform. Sitting on a bench was a person in the scariest costume I ever saw. I really don’t remember what it looked like, but I know he or she had on a mask and a gray wig with hair hanging down on the face. The costume was an old, dirty, and long white gown. Laying next to the person was a bowl of candy. I walked toward the bench cautiously and held out my bag. The person in the costume picked up a handful of candy and dropped the pieces into my bag. The person made a growling noise and I backed up slowly .I waited at the bottom of the stairs for everyone else, while they were following the same routine.
After going to a few houses we met up with some of the neighbors. We joined them at a house that had a small candy bowl with a fake hand in it. My cousin bent down to put her hand in the bowl and the hand grabbed her. She jumped in fear and yanked her hand out of the bowl. The second time she tried, she got her hand out fast enough to put the candy in her bag. Everyone else got their candy and went to find another house.
Soon after we went to as many houses as we could, we said goodbye to the neighbors and returned back to the house. Everyone dumped out their candy and examined it. There were all types of candy from tart to chocolate. My older cousin checked all of our candy and we started to eat it. Nobody wanted to eat dinner, one, because it was too late, and two, because we all had a stomachache from eating all of the candy. I had the most candy in my bag so I wasn’t worried about how much I ate. At one thirty we all got ready for bed. Before we all fell asleep, everyone talked about what had happened that night. When we finally got in our beds, I thought to myself “this is a memory that would stay with me forever”.
By:Diamond Rosario
4 comments:
tHAT s0Undz liK3 A g0oD h4LloW3en
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
What grabbed my attention in opening was that she made me think that something happened. She wrote, “On Halloween night, the air felt cold and stiff.”
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.
Yes, there were vivid details.
“I was a scarecrow dressed in denim jeans, black sneakers and a shirt I really can’t describe.”
“When we arrived outside, I noticed that the trees were all bare and the ground was covered in orange, yellow and brown leaves.”
“We stopped at a house that was decorated in jack-o-lanterns, bright lights, and fake cobwebs.
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Yes, there were vivid verbs.
“The leaves crunched loudly”
“I backed up slowly”
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
Yes.
5. What was your favorite part?
When they went to the scary costume person’s house.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
Add more details about the houses you went to and the things you saw.
Victoria Lewis-Davis
Diamond Rosario
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
When the author said it was on Halloween, I had a feeling from right there on something going to happen. Though wasn’t sure at the same time, if it was just something fun instead of scary.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.
Yes, the author does. Examples:
- “When we arrived outside, I noticed that the trees were all bare and the ground was covered in orange, yellow and brown leaves.”
- “The leaves crunched loudly as our shoes crushed them.”
- “When we finally got in our beds, I thought to myself “this is a memory that would stay with me forever”.”
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Yes, the author does. Examples:
- On Halloween night, the air felt cold and stiff.
- I was the first one who went up the small flight of stairs onto a platform.
- Everyone dumped out their candy and examined it.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
Not really, it’s really kind of simple, not really creative or anything.
5. What was your favorite part?
My favorite part was when she was detailing on what she was on Halloween.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
I think this narrative can be improved by having something in the story that would excite the reader on to reading it more.
- Dina Pin.
4= Strongly
3= Mostly
2= Somewhat
1= Rarely
The opening of your narrative grabs the reader’s attention, draws him or her into the story, and does so in an inventive way. 2
The details that you use throughout your narrative are specific, vivid, and appeal to the senses. 3
The ending effectively wraps up your narrative and has elements of one of the following: surprise, humor, sadness, wonder, anger, frustration, horror, etc. 2
The narrative is representative of the culmination of skills you learned with respect to writing narrative. 3
Conventions
+5= No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors;
0= Five errors
-5= Ten or more errors
11111
0
80%
Post a Comment