I was laying in the hospital bed trying to remember everything that happened. “You are a very lucky child,” the doctor implied. “Most children in your predicament are brain dead or in a wheel chair or maybe even dead”. “Dead". I thought to myself, I’m not feeling that.
It was early Sunday afternoon me and my mom were watching some movies when I received a phone call from my best friend Amber, saying that she was on her way with her new four wheeler that she had just received. I waited a few seconds before I finally heard the rumbling of the motor outside my front door. I ran to the door and hopped on the back. This was going to be the most fun I'd had all summer.
Everything was going great, the wind was blowing in our hairs everything was just right. We decided to make a stop to her house for some drinks and when we got there her dad told us that we should head out to the field to stay clear of traffic, so we did. On our way up to the field we decided to speed up and as soon as we did…CRASH!!!
All I could hear was the sound of the ambulance sirens as I stood up drowsily. About 20 mins later I was laying in the bed trying to remember everything that happened. “You are a very lucky child,” the doctor implied. “Most children in your predicament are brain dead or in a wheel chair or maybe even dead”. “Dead". I thought to myself, I’m not feeling that, and then I began to nod off. Now untill this day I have bruses on the right side of my face right around my temple and also on my shoulder and left knee. I've learned to be more careful and also wise.
Charnice Barrett
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5 comments:
yo ya story was a that although i didnt read it all but i read enough
get em!!!!!!!!!!
Augustus Johnson...
1. The opening part grabs my attention because it doesn't tell me what's happening it just tells me.
2. "I finally heard the rumbling of the motor outside my front door"."The wind was blowing in our hairs". And "All I could hear was the sound of the ambulance sirens as I stood up drowsily".
3. I stood up drowsily; the rumbling of the motor outside my front door; And the wind was blowing
4.The ending was ok because at the end she explained her opening even more at the end.
5.My favorite part was when she crashed.
6.She could of explained what the four wheeler looked like, and she could of told us what hospital she was in.
Good Story
Kelly Nguyen
Sixth Period
Peer Review Questions:
1. The thing that grabs my attention and draws me into the narrative
Is that how she was so close to losing her life but thankfully she didn’t but the thing that drags me into it more is how it keeps me guessing on why was she in the hospital in the first place.
2. The author uses vivid phrases so that I can see what is going on rather than the author just telling me. Some examples are:
“I finally heard the rumbling of the motor outside my front door”
“The wind was blowing in our hairs”
“I stood up drowsily”
3. The author uses simple, direct, and vivid such as
“I finally heard the rumbling of the motor outside my front door”
“The wind was blowing in our hairs”
“I stood up drowsily”
4. The narrative did use an inventive ending because it says how she thought back to the time where she was in the hospital and she’s thankful now that she’s living.
5. My favorite part was when I never seen the fact coming that she was going to crash but she walked up like it was nothing, which shows that she’s a strong person.
6. This narrative is fine just the way it is. I like this story.
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?I was laying in the hospital bed trying to remember everything that happened.is a good opening because it makes me want to read why she was in the hospitial
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.It was early Sunday afternoon, heard the rumbling of the motor,and wind was blowing in our hairs everything was just right
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.I ran, we should head out to the field ,and we decided to speed up
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.yes because she takes her topic sentence and restates the setting
5. What was your favorite part?I was laying in the hospital bed trying to remember everything that happened. “You are a very lucky child,” the doctor implied. “Most children in your predicament are brain dead or in a wheel chair or maybe even dead”. “Dead". I thought to myself, I’m not feeling that.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions she could have been a little more vivid.
by:michelle baxter (shelly)
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