October 17, 2007
By: Kyle Sanders
Creative Writing
The Day I Lost a Friend
Why…Why...WHY God! Why did it have to happen to him? My mother screamed out in pain. Today is April 8th my little brother birthday and funeral. “I swear to god I swear!” That’s my younger cousin screaming in a furious deep voice. As I walked up to see my brother laying there in a black suit and a white rose between his hands.
This is the worst day of my life I have to see not only my brother, but my best friend dead, my beautiful mother crying her heart out my aunts and uncles dressed in black, my cousin with shirts that say rest in peace “Kidd” Kannonz til’ the grave. “I can’t believe this I lost my friend” my cousin starts off by saying with tears running down his face, his voice cracks as he said that “Kyle wasn’t a bad person he was funny, wise, and.............” he pause and began to break down and cry again.
When the pastor was done given us the “word” from the bible, Boy 2 Men came and song “Its so hard to say goodbye” and turn on a classic song by Biggie Smallz an historical rapper that my little brother look up to, that song seem to change the whole mood of the church. I didn’t really cry at the funeral even thought I lost a friend because I knew my little brother was going to be cool because being cool was his style.
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3 comments:
Sumayah Jeter
October 24, 2007
Creative Writing
Leo
Peer Review Questions
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
The opening grabs my attention because he states a question asking “why, why god why?”
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples. The writer does use vivid phrases. ” My beautiful mother crying her heart out my aunts and uncles dressed in black, my cousin with shirts that say rest in peace........”, number two” My mother screamed out in pain.” Number three “my cousin starts off by saying with tears running down his face, his voice cracks.”
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples .Here are three vivid verbs he used in the story; screamed, laying dead, and rest.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain. Yes, I like the way he said, “I knew my little brother was going to be cool because being cool was his style.”
5. What was your favorite part? My favorite part of the story was at the end. This is where he said he knew his brother would be cool because being cool was his style. This statement changed my whole mindset from me being sad to me knowing that everything would be okay, although his brother has pasted away.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions. I think he should have used a little more details about what exactly happened to his brother’s death.
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative? The very first sentence went it says, “Why…Why...WHY God!” It grabs my attention fast and I want to read on and see what happens next.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples. Yes went he says, “As I walked up to see my brother laying there in a black suit and a white rose between his hands.”, “That’s my younger cousin screaming in a furious deep voice.”, and “Kyle wasn’t a bad person he was funny, wise, and.............” he pause and began to break down and cry again.”
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Yes. Screamed, voice cracked, and “break down and cry again“.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
Yes. He ends with a sentence that warms the hearts of other in remembrance of his brother.
5. What was your favorite part?
The beginning
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions. I was a really good touching story and kept me interested.
By: Sheree
1. When your mom was screaming why. It made me ask myself what was she screaming for.
2. Why…Why...WHY God! My mother screamed out in pain, “I swear to god I swear!” and he pause and began to break down and cry again.
3. Cool,screamed, and break down.
4. You had a good ending because even though your paper was said you made me finish with a little smile.
5. My favorite part was the ending because it wasn’t boring.
6. There were a couple mistakes and the story was short, but other than that it was good.
by: Jose
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