Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Final Draft Charnice Barrett Period 6

I was laying in Eintein Hospital bed trying to remember everything that happened. “You are a very lucky child,” the doctor implied. “Most children in your predicament are brain dead or in a wheel chair or maybe even dead”. “Dead". I thought to myself, I’m not feeling that.

It was early Sunday afternoon me and my mom were watching some movies when I received a phone call from my best friend Amber, saying that she was on her way with her new four wheeler that she had just received. I waited a few seconds before I finally heard the rumbling of the motor outside my front door it kind of reminding me of a dirt bike race. I ran to the door and hopped on the back of this husky green bike. This was going to be the most fun I'd had all summer.

Everything was going great, the wind was blowing in our hairs everything was just right. We decided to make a stop to her house for some drinks and when we got there her dad told us that we should head out to the field to stay clear of traffic, so we did. On our way up to the field we decided to speed up and as soon as we did…CRASH!!!

All I could hear was the sound of the ambulance sirens as I stood up drowsily. About 20 mins later I was laying Einstein Hospital bed trying to remember everything that happened. “You are a very lucky child,” the doctor implied. “Most children in your predicament are brain dead or in a wheel chair or maybe even dead”. “Dead". I thought to myself, I’m not feeling that, and then I began to nod off. Now untill this day I have bruses on the right side of my face right around my temple and also on my shoulder and left knee. I've learned to be more careful and also wise.

Charnice Barrett

1 comment:

Leo Mullen said...

4= Strongly
3= Mostly
2= Somewhat
1= Rarely

The opening of your narrative grabs the reader’s attention, draws him or her into the story, and does so in an inventive way. 4

The details that you use throughout your narrative are specific, vivid, and appeal to the senses. 2

The ending effectively wraps up your narrative and has elements of one of the following: surprise, humor, sadness, wonder, anger, frustration, horror, etc. 2

The narrative is representative of the culmination of skills you learned with respect to writing narrative. 2

Conventions
+5= No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors;
0= Five errors
-5= Ten or more errors

-5

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