Growing up in my house was filled with unexpected events .my mother is a very exciting person .she loves to play games and have parties One summer evening as nighttime approached my cousins a few friends and I were sitting on the step .we were
bored and thinking about we could do .my mom appeared and suggested we play “HIDE N SEEK” we all agreed. She set the rules, we could hide in the house or around
the front patio. My mom began “apple pickin pumpkin pie whose not ready holler I. I ran upstairs in my mom’s room and remember crawling into her closet and hiding under her long coats. I heard her voice getting softer and softer and I didn’t hear her any more.Well my mom would forget things a lot. Just then the phone rang. Talking for what she said had to be 2hours, didn’t even realize I hadn’t appeared yet. All
the other children continued to play also.Around 7:30pm all heck broke loose. My mom started looking for me. She began asking the children were I was. No one had seen me. I was told after only 10minutes she went ballistic,running up and down the street begging everybody to tell her they'v seen me .they hadn't. That only made her crazier.she ran back home searched the house. only looking in every room turning on the lights.within 20minutes the police force was called in. my mom started picking out neighbors whoshe said "was potential childnapper. people said she had all the neighbors searching alleys banging on doors, when one man seemed suspicious to her she demanded he be arrested.The police told her to calm down and rethink the last time she acyually seen me.After questioning everybody nd my mom retracking her steps.I was found in my mom's closet fast asleep.
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3 comments:
Peer Review Questions:
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
When she says “Growing up in my house was filled with unexpected events”
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.
hiding under her long coats
she went ballistic
as nighttime approached
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
No
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
Not inventive but interesting.
5. What was your favorite part?
When her mom forget she was playing hide and seek with them
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
There were a few spelling errors, it seems like you were rushing.
Charnice Barrett
1.How she tells the reader how exciting her mom was.
2. hiding under her long coats; she went ballistic; as nighttime approached.
3. No
4.Yes, because the police got involved and somebody almost got arrested.
5.When her mom forget she was playing hide and seek with them.
6.There were a couple of spelling errors, and she coold of had a better opening.
Good Story
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