A Trip to New York
It was a nice morning, and it was probably around 7:00am, my friends and I got to the school extra early so that we could have had the best seats in the bus, but it turn out that the teachers had fronts seats all the time. So eventually it was time for us to depart, and to go on to New York City like it was plan. But most of the students were not there yet. So the teacher said she was going to be nice and wait for them to arrive. But they just wouldn’t come so she said, “Let’s go and they just won’t get their money back, because it’s their fault that they didn’t arrive on time”. So as soon as we were going to set off, they all showed up! As they were coming up inside the bus, they looked like a banch of honey bees, which are ready to attack. But finally we set off, but be were really late! So that’s how it all began!!!
As we arrive in New York City my teacher had a worry face, I suppose it was because we were really late. Everyone in there had notice because they stared to talk among themselves about the satiation. After a little while, my teacher Ms. Caucci told us in a worry voice again that we would probably had to pay for our tickets, once arrive to the island. We would most likely do this because the time for the actual timing had past. So it was a good thing that we all had money, so we said that we had no problem if we had to pay. I mean after all we were already there and we had enough money to pay and had the tour. I was so glad that when we finally solve that problem, because I really was looking forward to not just going to the city, but to actually going some place important in the city!
So as my teacher had told us, they said that if wanted the tour we had to pay, and that about the money that was already paid that they would talk about some other time. I guess that after all the school got the money back and so did we, and we didn’t lose our money either. But most important we got to do what we had gone to do there, and we all had so much fun!!!
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3 comments:
1.What grabs my attention was when the teacher said, “lets just go and they won’t get their money back.
2.Yes the author used vivid phrase. Let’s go and they just won’t get their money back, because it’s their fault that they didn’t arrive on time”,
3.The author doesn’t use vivid verbs in this story
4.Yes the author has a inventive ending because I tell you how much fun they had on the trip
5. My favorite part was when the sat in the front off the bus but soon as the teacher came they had to move.
6. The author just need to give more examples on the trip other then that it was good.
1) I like the opening because it tells me everything I need to know.
2)The author does use simple verbs such as "looking foward"
3)The author has an inventive ending because it ends by telling me she had fun.
4)My favorite part was when she said that she was late and about the bees.
5) A way this story can be better is if the author explained more about the trip
-dan chiev
Peer Review Questions:
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative? This grade my attention because she tell how they were going there and she are very descriptive
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples. As they were coming up inside the bus, they looked like a bunch of honey bees, which are ready to attack.
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples. DON’T HAVE ANY.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain. THE ENDING IS NOT REALLY A GOOD ENDING BECAUSE IT’S NOT VERY DESCRIPTIVE AND VERY DON’T TELL ANY THING IMPORTANT.
5. What was your favorite part? MY FAVORTE PART WAS WHEN THEY ALL CAME WHEN THE BUS WAS ABOUT TO PULL OFF.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions. I WOULD TELL HER TO ADD SOME SIMPLE,DIRECT,AND VIVID VERDS AND MAKE YOUR ENDING STRONGER AND MORE DESCRIPTIVE.
~*ASMIRA.L.TULL*~
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