To whom it may concern: This is to certify that Julius Lewis was born on December 31, 1989 at Thomas Jefferson Hospital to Theresa Lewis. I was born 8:31am. I was 22 inches and weighed 9ibs 12oz. After I was born the doctors tried to explain to my mom that I was born with poison in my body. The doctors said they could get the poison out but it would not be long before I would die.
This was about the 2nd day after I was born. I know this situation was hard for my mom. She did not want to hear that her first child was going to die. So they went on with the operation. After the doctors were finish, they put about 15 tubes on and through my body. My mom said they were trying to keep me alive. After the 32nd day the doctors released me from the hospital and said there nothing else they can do but they wish the best for me. My mom prayed for me day in and day out. I thank my mom for being there for me.
When I went back to the hospital for my first physical examination my mom said the doctors said that I was in good health. She said they were amazed at the progress I made since being released from the hospital. The doctors took credit for saving my life, but I knew it was God.
My mom told me to always believe that God is able, no matter what. Never forget what god has done for you. I know God has a purpose for my life. Whatever my purpose is for being on this earth I can’t wait to find out.
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5 comments:
julius i never would expect this from you its really deep. i like it but their needs to be more work as far as the ending and a little more detail in the middle. its deep but i think it can be more deeper to make me be wanting to know more.
Dezzie
Julius,
The topic is a good one. I think you could build more suspense into the opening by starting with...
"The doctor said that it would not be long before I was dead." Then go back and start at the beginning. "I was born ..."
Leo
Chardae Jenkins
Peer Review Questions
1. I really like your story it was very interesting, but your topic could have been a little more attention grabbing.
2. You did use vivid phrases that allowed me to create a word picture like, “I was 22 inches and weighed 9ibs 12oz.” but you could have used more vivid phrases in your story.
3. You could use more simple, direct, and vivid verbs.
4. Your narrative does have an inventive ending, I liked the way you ended your story.
5. My favorite part was when your mother found out you were in good health.
6. I really enjoyed your story because it had a happy ending, but you could include more descriptive details
1. Yes because he started in a letter because I didn't expect that.
2. When he described the way he looked as a baby.
3. No you didn't really show direct verbs.
4. My favorite part was when he described how his mom prayed for him.
5. I would have put in more detail everywhere.
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