Dominican Republic
After the three hour plane ride we finally landed in paradise. It was time to exit the plane and check into the resort. The resort was beautiful; the landscape was all palm trees, bushes, and freshly cut grass. There were two huge pools and an amazing beach with white sand. A great thing about the resort is the pools and beach were a walking distance from the room. The resort was wonderful, but there were no one my age around.
After we unpacked I started to wander the resort. While roaming the resort I noticed there were people from all over. There were people from different parts of the U.S. and from different countries in Europe. I also noticed that there were no people my age, they were all in their twenties or older. After I have noticed this I became worried.
I began thinking about whether or not I was going to have fun because I did not think I was going to meet anybody my age. I knew if I did not meet anybody I would have to stay with my family, which would be awful because they are always arguing. After the first and second day I still did not see anybody, but on the third day I saw this girl my age. That was the point where I knew i was going to have fun.
When I first saw her it was when I was going into the pool. I saw her and her brother playing basketball in the pool. So I went up and asked her if I can join her. Unfortunately she did not speak any English. So I had to use hand gestures to communicate with her and her brother.
After I met them we would meet each other at every show and activity the resort held for us. For those couple of days we spent a lot of time together. Well like all good things it had to come to an end, they left two days earlier than we did. It was fun while it lasted, but I was happy she left because then I got to spend the rest of my vacation with my family in paradise.
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3 comments:
Kyle Sanders
October 25, 2007
1.The opening kind of grab my attention because I wanted to find out why he was so bored.
2.A little vivid not alot but its ok.
3.I believe for example like how explain giving hand signs to explain to the girl about playing.
4.The ending wasn't that good he could have said something better than "i'm glad she left so he can enjoy his time with his family he could have said something more exciting.
5.My favorite part would be when he explain how bored he was on the plane and how he grab my attention.
6.The narrtive can be improved by making the end of the story better and putting some reason why he was goin to have fun playing with the girl.
1.What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative? The first couple of sentences because it grabbed my attention right away and got right to the point.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples. Yes, when he says, "The resort was beautiful; the landscape was all palm trees, bushes, and freshly cut grass." Instead of just saying the resort was beautiful, he described it. He also said," There were two huge pools and an amazing beach with white sand." He could of just said There were two pools and a beach with white sand, but he said the pools were huge and the beach was amazing. Ruiz also states ," So I had to use hand gestures to communicate with her and her brother." Instead of just saying that he communicated he explained how.
3.Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Yes, huge, roaming, and hand gestures.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
It was simple but it wasn’t a bad ending
5. What was your favorite part?
The beginning
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
A little bit more detail but other than that the story was good
By:Sheree
Sumayah Jeter
October 25, 2007
Creative Writing
Leo
Peer Review Questions:
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative? Her opening grabs my attention because she stated that she was in shock when she first stepped into her 8th grade class. This statement makes me want to know why she is in shock.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples. Yes she does use vivid phrases. "All four of us took a table close to a cabinet." number two "we had the most interesting conversations on the computer." number three "a short, well dresses, red haired women said. She looked as if she were in her 40’s."
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples. Mumbled, bumping, and giggled were some verbs the writer used.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain. Yes. She stated all the student's names that were in her class. She also explained that "It was the best class I’ve been in out of all my three years."
5. What was your favorite part? My favorite part of the story is when the teacher said "Everyone pulls out a piece of paper and titles it ‘Teacher’” "So I did as I was told. T-E-C-H-E-R is what I put on my paper. Oh snap, I said to myself. I forgot the 'A'. I squeezed the 'A' in there and waited for father directions." This part was funny because she made a mistake on the first day.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions. In my opinion, I think this story could be improved by her more descriptive in what her friends looked like and her class room environment.
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