Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Jasmone` Townes.2Nd- THE RUN FROM THE lAW - final draft

She ran outside screaming. I followed her to see what she was saying. “NO, NO, NO! I’M NOT GOING TO JAIL AGAIN, ESPECIALLY FOR THIS DUMB WHITE GIRL!” she said. I knew she was done for it, especially because this was New Jersey. You see, in Philly, you can sometimes get away with fights like this. Now in New Jersey, the police will come even before the fight has broken out. Not only that, but it was a bunch of Black and Puerto Rican girls jumping a white girl, all because she bumped her on the skating rink. I never even seen the girl before it happened. I was just mad because my friend got into something so stupid. I should have been watching her, knowing she was with her trouble-making associates she called “friends”. “Come on yall! Let’s run down the street before the cops’ come.” one boy said. I went along, only because I felt like I had no other choice. I mean, I was in the middle of nowhere, New Jersey. Where else could I have gone? I just knew this night was going to be the beginning of something horrible.

I was shopping with my mother when I received a phone call from my friend Ashlie from New Jersey. She was my friend ever since my younger years when we both attended summer camp together. We’ve been close ever since. “Hey Jaz! Today is $5 dollar Fridays’ at this skating rink close to my house. Everyone is going to be there. Ask your mom if you can stay over my house for the weekend. My mom said she will come pick you up when she gets home from work later on around eight o’clock tonight.” she said enthusiastically in my ear. “Okay sure.” I replied. “My mom said it’s cool. When I get home from the store, I’m going to pack my stuff. Just call me when you’re on your way.” I knew that every time I hung out with Ashlie, we would have a good time. It was never a dull moment with her. Ashlie was a short, stocky, dark-skinned girl with individuals in her hair that almost reached to the floor. That was her favorite hair style. She wore the type of lip gloss that made your lips look like you just finished eating a bucket of fried chicken. She had big gold hoop, bamboo earrings that had her name spelled out across the middle. She wore those every time we went somewhere special, just so she could make a scene. She also loved her “white girl eyes” or so she called them. They were her contacts she always wore, every color but her own. She had hazel, blue, and green. The hazel ones made her look mean, she liked those the most. Ashlie was the type of girl that didn’t have many friends. She fought mostly every two-three weeks while in school and was kicked out of more than three schools in one school year. But, it was different between me and her. I was always there for her when she had no one else. I was practically the only one that got along with her. I was the only true friend she had.

When her mom came to my house later on that night, I was ready to go party. I had my bag packed for the weekend, money in my pocket, hair straightened, cell phone charged, my “good” jeans on, and I was smothered with my Victoria’s Secret body spray from head to toe. I was fly that night. I kissed my mom goodbye and she screamed “Have fun!” as I jumped in the backseat of the car. When I looked at Ashlie, she had all her party attire on. From her contacts to her greasy lip gloss, she looked like she was ready for a fun time tonight. As we drove the highway on the way to New Jersey, Ashlie told me about some of her friends from school that would be there. I didn’t mind one bit. I loved meeting new people anyway. As we pulled up to the skating rink, we jumped out the car and headed inside. The music was so loud that you couldn’t hear yourself speak. Different color lights were flashing everywhere that I was blinded. It was a crowded skate floor and people dancing to the music on the side walls. I love it! I always had fun at events like these. Ashlie and I walked around to go find her school friends. We saw them over at the food court sitting down eating and talking. She ran right over to them, leaving me behind to follow her. I didn’t care though. I walked right over and introduced myself. Some of them were nice, some hyper, and others just too cocky to speak back. I brushed it off, I was there to have fun, not make friends.

We walked over to the skate rental and exchanged our sneakers for skates. I was kind of hesitant though. I really didn’t know how to skate, and didn’t want to either. I was more worried about dancing then skating. As I watched everyone put on their skates, I changed my mind and returned the skates. I figured I’ll watch from the floor until they were finished. But no one cared, not even Ashlie. Everyone went on the skating floor without even taking two looks at me. I was surprised at her most of all, considering the fact I arrived with her. “Oh my God! She brushed me off for her fake, little cocky friends!” I thought. “I know I didn’t want to skate, but damn! At least consider the fact I’m here!” I was heated. She completely changed who she was around her so-called “friends”. She was just like them, fake and full of it. I sat down on the bench for a while and then I became bored. Everyone was laughing, skating and dancing and I wanted to go home. I figured I’ll call a friend to pass the time until we had to leave. But with all this loud music I wouldn’t be able to hear. After a while the lights where giving me a headache too. I headed for the bathroom.

As I walked inside the bathroom with the phone to my ear and my finger covering the other, there were girls standing all around. Some were waiting in line for a bathroom stall, while others where standing by the sinks gossiping to one another. While standing, I was greeted with a horrible stench of all types of bathroom odors. My stomach easily turned and I couldn’t take it. I stood by the door to get a breath of fresh air and continued my phone conversation. My plan was to be on the phone all through the rest of the night. Good thing I charged my phone before I left. All of a sudden, I heard screaming coming from outside the bathroom. Every girl pushed out the bathroom door eager to see what was going on. Me being the nosey one, I followed right behind them. As I got closer to all the commotion, I had realized a fight had broken out. I hung up with my friend and walked forward to get a closer look. Then I saw her—Ashlie. It was Ashlie and her trouble-making friends jumping an innocent white girl. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Ashlie picked the girl up by her ponytail and threw her against the wall while her friend intensely punched her in the stomach. I felt bad for the girl. All of the girl’s friends stood around watching their friend in her misery. Finally, security came to break it up. Everyone scattered in different directions, but I had my eye on Ashlie. She ran straight outside with rest of the crowd. What was she getting into now?

It was about eight of us, four girls and four guys. The guys came along with us to make sure they wouldn’t get into anymore trouble than they already have. By this time it was around ten o’clock. We ran down the longest block ever. New Jersey blocks were way longer than Philly blocks, so it seemed like it took forever to reach the corner. Once we got towards the middle, someone noticed an abandon Mobil gas station across the street. I noticed I lost my gold earring while running. We ran across the street to the back of the gas station. We all posted up against the wall trying to camouflage with the darkness so no one would see us. We realized that was a bad idea, after a car passed and shined its bright high beams directly at us. We all got down and laid close in the tall grass below us. It was towards the end of October, which meant the average temperature at night was about fifty degrees. It had rained about an hour ago so the grass was still wet with dew. The grass wasn’t like Philly grass. It was prickly, like it had thorns of a rose bush, and it had an odor that smelled like wildlife. Everyone tried to stay still because if you moved, the thorns would dig through your clothing and into your skin. All of a sudden, we heard footsteps and saw flashlights. We knew these were cops because you could hear the feedback from the walkie-talkies. Everyone kept quiet as if they were dead bodies. The cops searched but couldn’t see us. Footsteps faded, doors slammed, and sirens headed for the skating rink. Everyone took a breath of relief but didn’t know what to do next. No one wanted to lie here all night. One of Ashlie’s friends asked me could they use my cell phone to call for help. I gave it to her, only because I wanted this night to be over. One of the guys suggested to keep moving just incase the police came back to search again. We all agreed, rose up from the pain of the needle-like thorns and headed around the corner.

We ran until we arrived to an open lot. We all stood around not knowing what to do. I realized I didn’t have my phone so I asked the girl did she still have it. “No I don’t got your phone,” she said, “I gave it back to you when we were over by the grass.” I refused to go anywhere else without it so I was on my way back to go search for it. Everyone thought I was crazy. No one wanted me to go back because they were afraid that I might get caught. But I was determined. I couldn’t just let something like that go; after all, I wasn’t the one that was fighting anyway. So I walked off while they all screamed for me to come back. When I returned to the tall grass, I search all around but I had no luck. My phone was no where to be found. It started to drizzle and I didn’t want to be out there alone so I headed back to the lot. Walking back, everyone was staring at me with hate in their eyes. I knew they were mad at me but I didn’t care. I was mad that little skank lost my phone. “Don’t come back now! You mind as well go back where you came from” one girl said. “No! Are you stupid!? If she goes back, she can tell on all of us.” someone said to the girl. They were right. That is exactly what I was going to do. I didn’t want to be there anyway, so I had no problem going back. When I walked up to the group, Ashlie jumped in my face. “You’re lucky I don’t beat you up right now!” she said, “You could’ve gotten us all in trouble!” “Look Ashlie, I’m not that girl!” I screamed back, “Your not gonna yell in my face like I’m a nut. If it was your phone, you would’ve been doing the same thing! If you want to fight me now, then we can handle it!!” At that point I didn’t care anymore. What else did I have to loose? I already lost my phone and I most certainly wasn’t worried about losing a friend. Ashlie just stared at me. We’ve never argued before and she didn’t know how to handle the situation. She stood there for a while, and I finally realized she wasn’t going to do anything. “Exactly my point,” I said, “you have the biggest mouth here but you’re scared more than any of us.” I turned around and started walking further down the road. If I was going to find help, I would have to do it on my own. I wasn’t relying on anyone else from this point on. Everyone else followed, as usual, while Ashlie trailed behind not saying a word to anyone.

We ran for five hours, knocking on doors to empty houses, and trying to call help one dying cell phones. I knew we ran far once we reached Clementon Park. I thought this was never going to be over. One of the girls mentioned she knew someone that lived around this area. Hoping to receive help, we followed her to the house. As we arrived at the house, we walked up to the doorway. It was men all around. They didn’t look that much older to me, but to them I was a child. Loud music was coming from inside of the house and the smell of alcohol and marijuana was coming from there breath. She greeted them with a kiss on the cheek and went inside the house. By this time, there were only 4 girls including me. The boys we were with had left as soon as we reached shelter, or so they thought. The men just stared as us three girls. I was scared, but didn’t show it like the other two. One of them asked if we wanted to go inside. The girls just looked at me. We were all very cold and wet from the rain, but I refused. I was not getting myself into anything I couldn’t handle. We remained outside. After an hour, we realized that the other girl wasn’t coming out the house. I walked over to sit on a chair because my legs were tired from running all night. I put my hood over my head and folded my legs up together to keep me warm. I soon fell asleep, waiting for a miracle...

I awakened by the tap on my shoulder. It was Ashlie telling me that she called her mother to come pick us up. She explained to me that she called from one of the guy’s house phone and her friend left while we were sleeping. The other girl, however, remained in the house and still didn’t come outside. I couldn’t be any happier. I was still upset at Ashlie, but I was overwhelmed by the excitement of finally go home. It was close to five in the morning when Ashlie’s mother pulled up in the car. We both speed walked to the car without saying a word to anyone at the house. As we stepped in the car, we were encountered with the yelling and screaming of Ashlie’s mother. She told me that she already called my mother and that she was at their house waiting for me. She yelled all the way until we arrived at their house. I saw my mother’s car parked in the driveway of the house with her headlights still on. I noticed my bags were still in the car after all this time, so I quickly grabbed them and headed out the car, slamming the door behind me without saying one word. As I ran to the car, my mother jumped out with her arms wide open. I dropped my bags on the ground and embraced her with a hug that I thought I would never experience again. We jumped in the car and pulled off on our way back to Philly never to return there again. As soon as we started driving, the tears held back from the entire night came flowing down like an automatic waterfall. My mother pulled the car over as I wailed on trying to tell her every detail of my night all at once. Surprisingly, my mother started crying. She cried in a way that someone would cry when they lose something very important to them and it’s gone forever. I’ve never seen my mother cry before so it came as a shock to me. She explained to me that she was worried sick that she would never see me again. We both hugged and calmed each other down by discussing everything that occurred that night. We talked for about an hour but it seemed like eternity. When we finally arrived home, it was six in the morning. Ever since that day I never saw Ashlie again. She used to write me through e-mail saying how sorry she was and she missed having me as a friend. I started talking to her again through e-mail, and then over the phone. But that didn’t last too long. We soon grew apart. I’ve always learned to forgive but never forget. I knew she would never find a friend like me again and I would never run from the law again.

2 comments:

Leo Mullen said...

Cassandra

1. “You grabbed my attention by opening your narrative with the girl screaming I’m not going to jail over no white girl”. Those were a good choice of words because it atomically made me begin to wonder what could of happen to the white girl that could of caused someone to go to jail. I also began to wonder was it a racial thing.
2. One example of where you used vivid phrases that enable me to see what was going on is when you were describing your friend Ashlie with the long braids and the lip gloss that looked like she ate greasy chicken I was able to picture that very clearly. Another example is when you said “ Ashlie picked the girl up by her ponytail and threw her against the wall while her friend intensely punched her in the stomach.” Which is something you see everyday in an average fight among females. When you were describing the crowded skating ring and loud music I was able to picture that most of all considering that it reminded me of a skating ring that I always attended.
3. Three examples of where you used simple, direct, and vivid verbs are: “I kissed my mom goodbye and she screamed “Have fun!” as I jumped in the backseat of the car.”, “She ran right over to them, leaving me behind to follow her.”, and “Ashlie picked the girl up by her ponytail and threw her against the wall while her friend intensely punched her in the stomach.”
4. I like the ending you brought everything together nice and I like how you added that “Ashlie will never find a friend like you and you will never run from the law again.” To me it kind of brought the reader back to the main focus which is the title “Running from the law.”
5. My favorite part is when you and Ashlie began to argue because it was like the fight with her and the white girl but it turned you against one another because then yall began to argue.
6. I really like the narrative it was very descriptive from the beginning to the end. So to me there are no necessary changes.

Leo Mullen said...

Jasmone,
That was quite a story. I know the feeling of being stuck somewhere after you think it’s going to be fun and you spend the entire night just wishing you stayed home. Good details. There were probably parts that could’ve been shortened.

4= Strongly
3= Mostly
2= Somewhat
1= Rarely

The opening of your narrative grabs the reader’s attention, draws him or her into the story, and does so in an inventive way. 4

The details that you use throughout your narrative are specific, vivid, and appeal to the senses. 4

The ending effectively wraps up your narrative and has elements of one of the following: surprise, humor, sadness, wonder, anger, frustration, horror, etc. 3

The narrative is representative of the culmination of skills you learned with respect to writing narrative. 4

Conventions
+5= No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors;
0= Five errors
-5= Ten or more errors
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-5

87.5%