A Night to Remember...
It was the hottest day of the summer and the summer and the heat was scorching and sweat was sliding down the side of my face. I had just come from my friend Leshay's family cookout. I was supposed to be in a fashion show and I was running late. The girl who was running the show was blowing my cell phone up. Six missed calls... "It's Devon again" I said to my friend Le- Le who was also in the show. "Yes, and now she calling me!" Said Le- Le. So now we are rushing from Fairmount Park all the way to the North Penn VFW in Abington. We got there a half an hour before the show started. Devon was furious!!!
"I wanna know, I wanna know, your name, your name, your name why you gotta be anonymous?" We were standing there getting ready to do our act. Standing no closer then an inch away from each other. We were so close I feel his warm breathes ion my neck and smell the cologne he was wearing. His arms were around my waist and my arms around his neck, this was the pose Devon had given us. I was staring deeply into his eyes. Right then and there he had got me I was in the days from then until now. His eyes were hazel and very beautiful but it's funny because I never even recognized it until that very day. He was light skinned a few shades lighter then myself, muscular and very well built. Even with my three and a half inch stilettos on he was still a few inches taller then me. His hair was a sandy brown with braids that hung long in his face. his name was Chris. A name that I am very fond of.
Alone I walked halfway down the runway and as u waited patiently for him he gradually walked up and met me and together we continued on to continue our mission. When we got to the end of the runway I pulled away. That was a part of our act but in the mist of me pulling away I almost fell. My foot slid on the floor where as it was suppose to be stuck in one spot. At first my friends who were standing in front of me yelling "Okay Ki!" "Get' em Ki!" Then once they saw my face they instantly said "You better not fall!" Little did they know was that I was already two steps a head of them. In my head I was saying "Kiara you better act like Beyonce." But in the mist of my fall I felt these warm arms around my waist that caught me. Then he asked "Are you okay?" He slid me up like it was a part of our act. I smiled, we posed and then
together we walked back to the top of the runway. Together we walked back to the top of the runway. Together we posed this time facing each other, me staring in his dreamy eyes and him staring into mine. I was wearing a black mask with pink and green feathers on the right side of it. Ending the scene Chris slow and steadily took off my mask to reveal my face. He had found his Mrs. Anonymous. Once again into my eyes he looked I kindly moved in and so did he and together we became one. We kissed. His lips soft like cotton and sweet like strawberries. I was in the day only to come back to reality and recognize that my dream man had a girlfriend who was waiting for him back stage......
Posted by Creative Writing at 4:23 PM
Labels: A day to Remember....
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3 comments:
1. the thing that grabbed my attention in the beginning was when you talk about how it was the hottest day of the summer.
2. yes you use great details like when you talk about how you look into his eyes and he look into yours.
3. yes the she uses simple verbs.Example Sweat was sliding down the side of my face.
4.Yes it dose because the whole time she was thinking about her and him and he had a girlfriend.
5. the ending was my favorite part.
6.I thing it could improve by my the beginning being a little more attention grabbing.
Anabel
1.) I like how the intro makes you wonder what you are rushing to get to.
2.)Yes, “We were standing there getting ready to do our act. Standing no closer then an inch away from each other. We were so close I feel his warm breathes ion my neck and smell the cologne he was wearing.” And... “I smiled, we posed and then together we walked back to the top of the runway. Together we walked back to the top of the runway. Together we posed this time facing each other, me staring in his dreamy eyes and him staring into mine.” Lastly, “Once again into my eyes he looked I kindly moved in and so did he and together we became one. We kissed. His lips soft like cotton and sweet like strawberries.”
3.)Yes, “sweat was sliding down the side of my face,” “we kissed,” “walked up.”
4.)Yes, it’s an ironic ending. Not what you expected to happen or to be the case.
5.)My favorite part was when you were walking and almost slid but was ready to work it like Beyonce, but he swept you up and caught you. It was cute.
6.)The paragraph after the intro kind of just jumps right into the next part and it was kind of confusing. It’s kind of like you don’t need the first paragraph. Just use the second one as your intro and get rid of the first paragraph.
Melinda G.
1.i like that you started off with detail and the part where you mentioned the fashion show is what really caught my attention
2.Yes, 1. "Standing no closer than an inch away from each other. We were so close I could feel his warm breathes on my neck..."2."My foot slid on the floor where as it was suppose to be stuck in one spot."3. "Ending the scene Chris slow and steadily took oof my mask to reveal my face."
3. Yeah and I liked how you used a variety of words to describe things instead of the usual word choices."...I kindly moved in.."
4.Yes, it leaves leaves you thinking like damn.
5.I enjoyed the part "his eyes were hazel and very beautiful but it's funny because I never recognized it until that very day", its funny how you didn't notice and thats something people notice first.
6.Overall it was good but you could have described your surroundings and things more.
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