Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My Adventure 6th period

Sumayah Jeter
October 22, 2007
Creative Writing
Leo



“Today you will be doing five laps, three suicides, twenty-five lay-ups each. Ladies run, run! You are playing like untrained females! Offense sells tickets defense wins games.” Coach shouted
“She is always drawing with all of this running. When game time comes we are going to be too tired to play!” We sighed.
“Well if want to be like that then .........how about.........I double everything. Does it sound good now? I bet you will not say anything like that again.” She replied.
“All man why do we always think out loud and next I know to keep my mouth closed!” I mumbled sadly.
“Now you may proceed to the baseline, ladies.” She said with a soft, calm, warmth, voice.
Since I was the only girl on the boy’s basketball team, there were a lot of conflicts. But, at the same time a fun adventure. Monday was tryouts. It was about 30 who came... Waiting for the coach to arrive in a big, sticky, hot, stinking smelling, box. With basketballs lying around, five courts, a beige tan colored floor and a logo right in the middle of the half court line. I was nervous, but yet I confident because I would not let my fears, control my skills and techniques. But I was going to keep my cool no matter what happened. I was an ice cube in a glass of lemonade. First we had to run five laps around the gym. Then, we had to do three suicides, next, stretching. We were like rubber bands out there on the courts. She made us stretch, farther than what our bodies were capable of reaching. Finally the fun part. Getting to shoot the ball! We split up into two teams. Each team would go to two different sides of the gym to perform a lay-up line. This was to practice your lay-up skill. I knew most of all the fundamentals of basketball but I had a lot to learn. One thing I leaned was how to play with my left hand. My left hand was weak, and this fault made it difficult for me to make left hand lay-ups. These tryouts went on for about two weeks.
Around the end of the second week, the coach posted up the paper. This paper consists of a list of names that made the team. I noticed that everyone was at her door pushing and shoving to see if their names were listed. It was like an amusement park. People pushed and shoved to get on the most fierce, exciting, tallest rollercoaster. When I saw my name on the list, I was relieved. I began conversating with my new fellow teammates, when I noticed some people were disappointed and some were bank robbers. Happy, at the fact that, they got what they wanted. Their prize processions. When the following week arrived, fun time was over. We practiced two times a week; Tuesdays and Thursdays. She made us run, do lay-ups shoot, three suicides and three laps. It was very tiring but yet but yet a challenge. The bad part was when we made her mad. That was not a good thing to do. It was double trouble. It was about one month into our season.
Our very first game was against Farrell Middle School. The game got so crazy that their teammates started cheering for us. We were dumping on them. Point after point, shoot after shoot. Even our wildest teammate was playing the right way. Everything was going good. Up until the next day when some people that caught Septa home, came and told me things that were said about yesterday’s game. I heard through the grapevine that people were saying bad things, were people that couldn’t play. When I confronted them they all played dumb and acted like they didn’t know what I was talking about. Many problems expanded. Friendships were ruined. I was so mad to the piont were i was going to quit the team. But i kept my cool and everything went good. Were didn’t make it to the playoffs or the Chip. Our record was 5-3 (five wins, three lost).we restored our friendships and began talking about them. We manage to get everything back to the way it was.

2 comments:

Leo Mullen said...

1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative?
The fact that she started with dialog. She made action in the beginning of the story and that’s what most readers look for, and it also gets right to the point.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples.
She does use vivid phrase in her story. Three examples are when she said, “I was an ice cube in a glass of lemonade, “and, “We were like rubber bands out there on the courts,’ and also when she said, “I noticed that everyone was at her door pushing and shoving to see if their names were listed. It was like an amusement park. People pushed and shoved to get on the most fierce, exciting, tallest rollercoaster.”
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples.
Yes. The words were, “fierce, bank robbers Happy, at the fact that, they got what they wanted [and] conflicts”
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain.
Yes, it is nice and simple.
5. What was your favorite part?
My favorite part was when she said she was like “an ice cube in a glass of lemonade.”
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions.
It was a few errors, but it was a nice writing piece.

By: Sheree

Leo Mullen said...

1. You started off with your coach yelling, because it is something I experienced.
2. She is always drawing with all of this running, I was nervous, but yet I confident because I would not let my fears, control my skills and techniques, and We were like rubber bands out there on the courts.
3. Mumbled, shoving, and dumping
4. It was pretty good it tells that the problems have been fixed.
5. My favorite was when you were talking about the basketball game.
6. There were a couple mistakes towards the end, but your story was good.
by:Jose