Lach'e Brown
2nd Period
Narrative
My First Fight
I pushed him into the television. It was the last Friday in April. I was in the 6Th grade at Fitler Academics Plus school. Our classroom is very spacious and it's painted baby blue. The chalkboards are aligned with rainbow streamers and there are six rows with five desks in each. It's about one o'clock and we are having art time. We are painting pictures of things we like to do during recess. “Okay everyone you have twenty five minutes to get finished”' said our teacher Mr.Kanous.
Throughout the twenty five minute time period I managed to paint a picture of my friends jumping double dutch rope. Then twenty five minutes are up and my teacher said “Lach'e would you collect the paintbrushes for me”. I began to collect the paintbrushes. I had collected almost everyone's paintbrush except for one boy who refused to give me his paintbrush. I went to finish collecting everyone else's paintbrush and I told him that I would come back top him last. I went back to him and he still refused to give me his paintbrush. So I snatched it out of his hand.
The boys' name was Martise, and he was light skinned with curly hair. Martise thought that he was so tough, and that he could beat everybody. I can admit that he was very strong. After I snatched the paintbrush from him he pushed me. I stumbled a little bit and dropped all of the paintbrushes on the floor. Then I socked him in his face. From there we started fighting. He pushed me into the ledge by the window and I knocked him into the television cart that was directly behind him. The cart was a rusted green and the T.V. was big and black. After that an NTA named Mr. Sojourner broke up the fight and took both of us to the office.
While walking to the office I started crying .I thought I was going to get suspended. I had never been suspended before. I was always the good girl, teachers pet type. So now we're in the office. The office is big with a lot of lights and tables and one soda vending machine. We both are telling our stories, and after we did tell our stories I was relieved to find out that I wasn't getting a home suspension, I was only getting a one day in-house suspension. Meanwhile Martise had a three day home suspension for starting the fight.
I'm on my way home and all I can think about is if I'm going to tell my mom what happened today or not. When I got home I didn't tell her because it was an in-house suspension, and I thought that she'd never find out. Unfortunately she found out and I was on punishment; not because I had gotten into trouble but because I didn't tell her. But the weird thing about the fight was that even thought we fought each other, when Martise came back to school we went back to being cool. As of today we are still cool friends.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
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2 comments:
Shaniqua Rudd
Peer Response
1. The opening grabs my attention as she describes how she pushed the boy into the TV. It starts off with action and makes you wonder why she pushed him.
2. I stumbled a little bit and dropped all of the paintbrushes on the floor. He pushed me into the ledge by the window and I knocked him into the television cart that was directly behind him. So now we're in the office. The office is big with a lot of lights and tables and one soda vending machine.
3. The author uses simple verbs. “pushed, socked, snatched”
4. The narrative has an ironic ending. She becomes friends with the boy, after the fight.
5. My favorite part was when she snatched the paintbrush from him.
6. This narrative could be improved if she explained more details about the fight after they pushed each other.
Lache,
Good details.
4= Strongly
3= Mostly
2= Somewhat
1= Rarely
The opening of your narrative grabs the reader’s attention, draws him or her into the story, and does so in an inventive way. 2
The details that you use throughout your narrative are specific, vivid, and appeal to the senses. 3
The ending effectively wraps up your narrative and has elements of one of the following: surprise, humor, sadness, wonder, anger, frustration, horror, etc. 3
The narrative is representative of the culmination of skills you learned with respect to writing narrative. 3
Conventions
+5= No grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors;
0= Five errors
-5= Ten or more errors
-5
77.5%
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