My 8th Grade Class
I was in shock when I walked through the doors of my 8th grade class. I was
really upset because I was separated from my close friends, Samelia, Da’Shawn, and
Sharde. Instead I was in a class with Valeria, Vicky, and Viktorya. They were the
nicest people in world, but I had nothing in common with them. Valeria was…unique.
Vicky, well I never had anything to say to her but we had the most interesting
conversations on the computer. Then Viktorya, we actually because kind of close. But
besides Val, Vicky, and Viktorya, I didn’t know anyone when I walked through the
door.
All four of us took a table close to a cabinet. I looked around and saw a few
similar faces, but I never saw anyone else before in my life. “Everyone, hello I am
Mrs. Konnell I am your advisory teacher this year,” a short, well dresses, red haired
women said. She looked as if she were in her 40’s. She looks familiar, I mumbled to
myself. I remembered bumping into her in the 7th grade. “You are about to take the
hardest test of your life.” My heart was beating fast. A huge heat wave came over me.
I got so nervous I didn’t know what to do. “Everyone pull out a piece of paper and
title it ‘Teacher’” she said. So I did as I was told. T-E-C-H-E-R is what I put on my
paper. Oh snap, I said to myself. I forgot the 'A'. I squeezed the 'A' in there and
waited for father directions. "Number one, what's my first name? Number two, exactly
how tall am I? Number three, where do I live?" All the questions were about her!
Nothing to worry about, I said to myself.
The test was over. " I told you it will be the hardest test of your life,"
she said. Everyone smiled and giggled. "How many of you have been you Baldi all three
years?" Everyone raised their hand including me. I thought to myself, "How was
everyone here all three years? I never remember seeing them. "I was so confused. I
didn't know how the year was going to go, or what to expect. I befriended almost
everyone in the class. The year went by as fast as I can read this sentence. I
couldn't believe it, 811 was the nicest, friendliest, smartest, most encouraging
class ever. It was the best class I’ve been in out of all my three years. I would
never forget my class, Viktorya, Vicky, Valeria, Hanna, Albora, Jamion, Michael,
Michael, Michael, Roxy, Christina, Jessica, Larissa, Ryan, Vlad, Claire, Maria,
Roman, Brandon, Kayla, Michelle, Jefin, Diana, Shoan, Allison, John, Mark, Ruvim, and
Danielle ; section 811 class of '07.
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5 comments:
ii LuV iT......!
~l0V3-Sh4ii {fr3e T.I.}
1.Not really it was ok i guest.
2.No i didn't really see any vivid scenes it felt like she was telling me.
3.Maybe a little here and there but not any that I can remember.
4.It was ok i mean i believe it could had been better.
5.My favorite part was when she was so nervous about her test.
6.the narrative can be improved by adding more vivid words and making the end of the story better.
1.Not really it was ok i guest.
2.No i didn't really see any vivid scenes it felt like she was telling me.
3.Maybe a little here and there but not any that I can remember.
4.It was ok i mean i believe it could had been better.
5.My favorite part was when she was so nervous about her test.
6.the narrative can be improved by adding more vivid words and making the end of the story better.
Sumayah Jeter
October 25, 2007
Creative Writing
Leo
Peer Review Questions:
1. What about the opening grabs your attention and draws you into the narrative? Her opening grabs my attention because she stated that she was in shock when she first stepped into her 8th grade class. This statement makes me want to know why she is in shock.
2. Does the author use specific, vivid phrases that enable you to see what is going on rather than the author just telling you? Cite three examples. Yes she does use vivid phrases. "All four of us took a table close to a cabinet." number two "we had the most interesting conversations on the computer." number three "a short, well dresses, red haired women said. She looked as if she were in her 40’s."
3. Does the author use simple, direct, and vivid verbs? Cite three examples. Mumbled, bumping, and giggled were some verbs the writer used.
4. Does the narrative have an inventive ending? Explain. Yes. She stated all the student's names that were in her class. She also explained that "It was the best class I’ve been in out of all my three years."
5. What was your favorite part? My favorite part of the story is when the teacher said "Everyone pulls out a piece of paper and titles it ‘Teacher’” "So I did as I was told. T-E-C-H-E-R is what I put on my paper. Oh snap, I said to myself. I forgot the 'A'. I squeezed the 'A' in there and waited for father directions." This part was funny because she made a mistake on the first day.
6. How could this narrative be improved? Don’t criticize, but rather give helpful suggestions. In my opinion, I think this story could be improved by her more descriptive in what her friends looked like and her class room environment.
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